Parallel Parking Golf

Parallel parking - one of those moments in life where you get to feel superior to a complete stranger for not doing something perfectly right the first time. But is this really fair? Honestly, how would you do in that situation? Now there is a way to quantify how you would do! Parallel parking golf.

It is simple – establish a par for the spot and the number of gear changes indicates the score for the hole. The initial gear change counts.

You might be wondering how to establish par. This takes a bit of eye judging. After you get into the space, eyeball how much distance is between each bumper. Guys should already be good at this. Girls, you might find out 8 inches is not really what you have been told. (FYI, American currency is 6 inches long)

If the space is under 1 foot total, you just maneuvered a par 5. Between 1 and 3 feet, par 4. Between 3 and 5 feet, par 3. Between 5 and 7 feet, par 2. Anything over 7 feet, turn your car keys in if you cant do that in 1.

Total feet____________Par
<1_________________5
1-3_________________4
3-5_________________3
5-7_________________2
>7_________________kill yourself

Here’s an example:


Johnny Driver gets out and admires his work. It took him 3 shifts to get into this spot. He figures it is about a foot between each bumper and the car next to it. That’s 2 feet total. He looks at the chart… BIRDIE.

That’s not it though. Like golf, there are things you can do to hurt your score. These lower the par:

Touching a car: -1
Touching a curb: -1
Tires up on curb: -2
More than 6 inches from curb: -2

Unlike golf, certain factors can improve your score. These raise the par:

Person in car: +1
You are drunk: +1
3 or more passengers in car: +2
Group of at least 3 watching you park: +2
Parking while holding up traffic: +2

That’s basically it. You can keep a scorecard in the car or just use this system to completely baffle a stranger when he hears EAGLE!!!! yelled at him by a group of drunks from a front porch.

Park em straight.